Today marks my 15th wedding anniversary, and also 18 years to the day that I first met Esso. Are we soulmates, or just stubborn? Or, is it a combination of both?

In other news, it looks like our furry menagerie is about to expand again. There is a little cat, named Freddy, who needs a good home. Currently, he is “visiting” with the lady Esso stayed with before we sold the house here. I say “visiting,” because she has been feeding him outside for a few weeks, but recently, he was attacked by some other animal, and is in recovery in her house. Unfortunately, she has other cats (one of which has needed serious veterinary care recently), and cannot keep him for herself.

Esso met the little guy, and was quite taken with him. Apparently, he’s an affectionate cat, and not prone to aggressiveness. One of the issues we had when we adopted Willy, was his nature. WE liked his spunk and sweetness, but Mowgli saw him as a rival, and there are times when she still does. We know Willy has been lonely living with Mo. Freddy may fit in perfectly, being friendly without aggression, and young enough for Willy to play with. And of course, the fact that his name ends with the “ee” sound makes this positively providential (Mowgl-ee, Will-ee, Fredd-ee)!

We’ll see, though. If worse gets to worst, and if Mo hates him or starts doing things in anger, I’ll take my girl in here.

Remember those dark moments I talked about in yesterday’s post? I’m having one right now that I am trying to work through.

I gots a pal in Edmonton. He’s a computer whiz and an amateur short filmmaker who, in the past, I have had thousands of hours of conversation with about film, filmmakers, the state of Canada’s film industry (we have divergent views on this), and the usual conversational material between friends who have only met on the internet.

In short, I have felt comfortable with him. So comfortable, in fact, that I bought his MacBook Pro. See, he’s a registered Apple Reseller, and up until July, I had no problems with the computer–he had done a great job cleaning it up and getting it ready for me. There have been a couple of little things I’ve found that raised an eyebrow (for example, though it doesn’t appear to be a pic on the hard drive, I have the option of having a grainy photograph of a woman masturbating as my desktop pic. She looks happy, but that’s beside the point).

In July, I took the Mac and my portable internet modem to work so I could fill a few hours looking up information for the studio’s unmailable address list. Somewhere between getting it there and taking it home, it stopped working the way it was supposed to. It stopped booting in the regular way; it stopped allowing me to look at embedded video (or even some images) on some sites (YouTube is completely useless to me on this computer); no matter what I do, I can’t get my printer to work with this Mac; the fans seem to be running on overdrive, and they are LOUD.

Most distressing of all, every time I close the lid, instead of putting the machine into hibernation, it shuts it off, meaning I need to reboot–which, as I said, isn’t happening unless I hold down the power button for 10+ seconds, and sometimes twice before it works. It’s useless for me at school, which was part of the whole purpose in getting it.

July and August were insane months for me, and I rarely saw my friend online when I was, so it was a few weeks before I could tell him about my computer woes. He then told me he was becoming inundated with work from local Mac enthusiasts as the school year was coming up, and urged me to get the OS disks, because it was probably the OS acting up. I made a special trip to get them, and when we finally got around to installing them, it became obvious that the OS was NOT the problem.

Since then, he has been incredibly difficult to get ahold of. I have tried making “appointments” with him, but either he forgets, or is too busy, or he’s working from home, and can’t be online at the expense of his family. Today, we had an appointment at 4:00 p.m. my time, and the minute I got online, I got a message he left around 11:15 a.m. telling me he’s sick in bed.

It has been TWO months since he first started to “help” me, and still, the computer is not fixed. I have hesitated until now to take it to the Mac Outpost here in town, because there is software I do not want to lose on here, and I have no way of backing it up. That, and I don’t want to insult him. But enough is enough. Unfortunately, I was NOT blessed with infinite patience.

Today, one of the girls in my class, someone with whom I have worked on a few projects, and someone I really enjoy being around, gave me a homemade card, with a personal note.

On the front, it says, “Thinking of You!” with hand-drawn flowers.

On the inside, it says,

Dearest Jen,
I know you’ve been having a rough time lately and I just wanted to let you know how much I like, respect and admire you.

You are a woman with so much to give, so much knowledge and you are always there for those around you.

You are beautiful on the inside AND outside! Especially your eyes. You are a wonderful listener and offer great advise (sic). I love being able to talk to you and you’ve given me lots to think about on multiple occasions.

You also have a great sense of humour and a wonderful laugh. Yours is a laugh that when people hear it, they can’t help but smile.

Anyone who meets you is immediately aware that you are a force to be reckoned with, a natural leader and we want to listen to what you think and what you have to say. We know and see the intelligence you have.

I feel it is such a blessing to know you. Whether we are only friends during our school years, or whether we remain friends for longer (which I hope we do) you are someone I will always think of as having influenced me for the better!

Your Friend Always…

I wanted to post this for a couple of reasons; first, I was so deeply moved, I nearly cried right there in front of her and the other guy in the room. I don’t hear this kind of stuff often, except from Esso, and even then, sometimes it feels as if he says it under duress, even when he says otherwise. Usually what I get is criticism–especially at this time of the year. And since this “saga” has been a record of what’s going on in my life, I thought it especially important to put something positive up here.

Secondly, I want to keep it for posterity. I have every intention of keeping the card itself in a safe place, but I wanted the message to be easily accessed by me (and any other interested parties). All of the posts on my old blog are still available to be read, and sometimes, in a fit of curiosity and vanity, I go back and re-read them. Some of them are, if I do say so myself, quite fun and thoughtful. Being able to re-read this message will, I hope, buoy me back up at dark moments.

I can’t begin to express the impact this small note has had on me. It has been a tough few weeks, and about the only place I feel comfort (besides having Esso around) is at school. Going back, no matter what my parents or my sisters, or anyone else thinks, was the RIGHT decision, and I am so glad I stuck to my guns.

On another note, I am working on my script/treatment for my final film production of the term. I should begin shooting on the second weekend of November, provided I can get a crew. Yay!

Perhaps too much time has passed.
Perhaps the person I was no longer exists.
Perhaps I have become cold and selfish.

Did I enjoy seeing them again? I suppose. It took me awhile to decide that I should and wanted to. It took a little longer to get over the nervousness.

Perhaps the past is gone for a reason.
Perhaps, someday, the emptiness will be, too.
Perhaps I should just go to bed.

He doesn’t look any different, though. I guess some things never change. I know one day, he will be gone, and at least I will know I kissed him on the cheek and waved farewell.