About two months ago, a little girl named Tori was abducted after school. Her mother searched, phoned neighbours, friends, and waited for a few hours before reporting her child’s disappearance—as most people would. The first few hours are recognized as being crucial to finding missing children, and the delay probably cost Tori her life. But it’s impossible to blame this woman, because any one of us would have waited to hear back from aunts, cousins, friends etcetera, as she did.
It’s June 6th. She was taken on April 8th, and on May 19th, two suspects were arrested. Despite a vague description of the area the police were given by one of them, Tori’s body has yet to be found.
Throughout the fruitless searching, an outpouring of condolences, support and anger flowed out of the hearts and mouths and fingers of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. Despite the arrests, and the acknowledgement that Tori is definitely dead, there is still a groundswell of emotion out there, and it has spilled over into my Facebook news feed.
I feel badly for Tori’s parents, I really do. What happened is one of the more horrible things I can imagine, and not for one minute would I ever think I know what they are going through. I would gladly write a condolence note on the wall of a group started by her mother, father or grandparents. However, there are people who have made Facebook groups to commemorate the memory of a girl they didn’t know, from a family they have no connection with, and these people really annoy me.
Some people make cheesy compliation videos of published photos of Tori, complete with music that only gets pulled out at times like these (Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” or some New Country ballad with the word “Angel” in the title come to mind). Some people write out paragraph after paragraph, telling the dead girl how much they “miss” her, or are thinking of her. Remember, these are people who a) never met her, and b) don’t know her family. Very few of the messages are directly written for her parents, expressing sympathy or condolence, or telling them how this story affected them personally—no, most of the messages are for a child who will never, NEVER be able to see them. I have to ask: who are these folks really grieving for?
Worst are the groups that have used her name to start a petition for stiffer sentences for crimes against children. While the idea is noble and just, no matter how harsh the punishment, having tougher laws would NOT have saved Tori’s life, nor prevented her abduction. The two people arrested have not even been TRIED yet. There is no miscarriage of justice if justice hasn’t been given an opportunity to be levied, so calling any new legislation “Tori’s Law” is a misnomer. It simply preys on the emotions this case has engendered.
None of this is going to bring this child back, nor will it help prevent it from happening to other children. And perhaps my attitude towards all this emotional stuff is why I am a heartless bitch. I think it is all ineffectual wailing and gnashing of teeth, a chance to rail at the unfairness of life and the cruelty of the people of this world. It is not a productive exercise, and serves no one but those who, for whatever reason, cannot move on to the real concerns of their own lives.
