Dear Sister,
I am very worried about you these days, more than I ever have been in the past. 2011 was a rough year for you, there’s no question. Bad thing after bad thing happened to you, and it’s hard to remain positive when you feel you’re a bowling pin with the ball hurtling down the lane at you. It’s easy for me to be both sympathetic AND empathetic for you, and I try to support you as best I can.
However.
You need to stop yelling at our mother and blaming her for the bad choices you have made in your life—and you definitely need to stop doing it on a daily basis. You hurt her with your endless disrespect and contempt. You offend our Dad, who loves you, and you upset your other sister and me. The most dangerous part is, you model this behaviour for your children, and it’s going to bite you in the ass.
Speaking of your children, you are driving them away. Your son has already moved to his Dad’s. Your eldest daughter is in danger of making some very poor choices on her own simply from a desire to get out of your direct line of fire. Get ahold of yourself, and be the parent your kids deserve. Everyone knows you can, you’ve done it in the past.
I am worried you have Borderline Personality Disorder. Based on the research I’ve done, it’s a tough disorder to treat, and when left untreated usually results in suicide or some other sort of self-destruction. There are barriers to getting help for you. Primarily, the expense of therapy is something you don’t think you can handle, however, what’s most worrisome is your assertion that it won’t help you anyway. You were doing so well a year ago, in part BECAUSE of the therapy. You stopped because of the expense, but also because you were feeling more centred and in control. Guess what? You need to go back, because your anger and responses to life’s frustrations are out of control.
We all want you to get better, and in the meantime, we have to erect boundaries to protect ourselves from your outbursts of self-pity and aggression. Your anger wears us out. We are helpless to help you. The only coping strategy is to listen to you and tell you we feel bad that you feel bad. Unfortunately, that leaves us at your mercy. Who wants to listen to anyone complain and whine about the same things over and over again? Even the most compassionate, most empathetic person hits their wall. We’re all at our walls.
Since I’m writing anyway, I’d like to address one thing that has always puzzled me. WHY do you need to be with a man so much? I think we’re all afraid to be alone, but your fear is practically a phobia. It’s pathological. It drives you to cling to men who have problems, who are immature, or who have never been successful in most aspects of their lives. Then you expect them to be good boyfriend/husband material. You set them up for failure, and then you wonder why you’re alone when they do.
Please get some help.
